From the Archives: Breathing In, Breathing Out (February 2004)

I was stuck in an elevator yesterday afternoon for approximately one hour and twenty minutes. The process for getting rescued was not as smooth as I would have liked and I have brought this to the attention of the proper authorities. I assume that the building managers will be following up and issuing guidance on what to do should such an unlikely event occur in the future. In the meantime, and upon reflection, here are ten practical do’s and don’ts of proper elevator behavior under these circumstances.

1. Try not to think too much about where you are.

Fact: I am involuntarily suspended in mid-air in a highly confined space with questionable oxygen capacity.

Fiction: I am sitting on a sun-drenched beach sipping a cold Corona mesmerized by the steady ebb and flow of gentle waves lapping upon a sandy shore.

Always reach for the fiction.


2. Do not be fooled by the word “emergency,” which figures prominently in the elevator car.

With some degree of authority, I can tell you that this word is interpreted differently by different people depending on where you happen to be SITTING!


3. Pushing ALL the buttons in the car doesn’t help much when you are stuck BETWEEN floors.

It might make you feel better in the short term, but pushing the button of every floor isn’t likely to help or reassure you over the long term. I did it, and I was hopeful, momentarily. But then I had to stare at a fully illuminated panel for the duration of my stay. Looking at all those lighted buttons just reinforced the futility of trying to rescue myself. When the emergency people finally got in touch with us, however, I could take some pleasure in saying, “Yes, Sir, I tried all the buttons!”


4. Breathe in. Breathe out.


5. Before entering the elevator car, pay more careful attention to your prospective passengers.

Glass half full: Getting stuck may just be the best thing to happen to my social life in a long time.

Glass half empty: I’m learning more about my fellow hostage than I ever wanted to know.

Glass half full: This conversation is an excellent distraction from the reality that we are in this box together indefinitely, and it sure beats talking to myself.

Glass half empty: I should have asked him if he had a history of anxiety attacks, whether he suffers from claustrophobia, etc.

I was fortunate to have been traveling with a calm, cool and collected colleague from the IMF. I’m sure that we were both wondering in the first five minutes, however, which of us was going to be the first to crack. Nervous laughter, therefore, is inevitable.


6. Once the cavalry arrives, never, ever listen to the conversations that transpire between the technicians, who are probably sitting on top of the car.

Exchanges such as “The car just won’t move,” or “Let’s bump her down, but be careful,” or “I am going to get the crowbar and we’ll have to do this manually,” or “Yeah, there are people in there,” are not particularly reassuring. It is said that ignorance is bliss, and this is certainly one of those occasions.


7. Remind yourself, often, how much worse it could be.

Ever been in one of those elevators with piped-in Manilow? I’m talking about exclusive Manilow! Well, think about spending eighty minutes listening to that! Ever notice that these kinds of elevators always seem to be in buildings with lots of dental offices?


8. Breathe in. Breathe out.


9. Always carry snacks, but do not drink anything for at least one hour before boarding an elevator car.

Don’t beat yourself up over the fact that you skipped the restroom before getting into the car because you were in a hurry to get back to the office or to get to a meeting on time. If you happen to have a bottle of water on your person, think twice about taking a swig.


10. No bonus points will be awarded for trying to do something “heroic,” like breaking open the fireman’s emergency box, or climbing through the roof of the car, or jumping up and down to try to dislodge the car.

Also, pray that you are not stuck with that childhood daredevil friend of yours who always stood up in the canoe in the middle of the lake, or got a kick out of rocking the ferris wheel chair back and forth hundreds of feet above the ground!


My advice? Whenever possible, take the stairs.